


Remember

by StellarFandoms



Series: Malec Appreciation Week [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: All you need to know is that Rafe and Max are the Lightwood-Bane Kids, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, M/M, Magnus reflecting on his past, Magnus' Dad tries to kill him, Minor Character Death, This is based of the books, Worried Magnus Bane, but will make sense to only series watchers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 05:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11662800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarFandoms/pseuds/StellarFandoms
Summary: Magnus remembers the past, and is scared of losing the memory of Alec.This is a the 'moment from the past' i hope i did it right?





	Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Yoo this is kinda a weird fusion of the book and TV canon so i hope it makes sense!
> 
> This is Part 1 of the Malec Appreciation week !

Magnus wandered around the small hut that his family lived in, barefoot feet hitting the dirt floor, causing small clouds of dust to appear. His amber cat eyes were searching for his mother. He wanted to ask her why she was always so sad now. Why she and Papa wouldn’t give him hugs, or say that they loved him anymore. He thought for a second. He realized the better question to ask was why they didn’t love him anymore. He wanted to ask what’d he’d done wrong, and how to fix it. As he walked into the bedroom, he saw his mama sleeping on the bed. He approached the bed and he could tell something was wrong. Magnus’ mother was always full of life, of passion and wonder. She could hardly ever sit still for more than a second. Even when she was mad at him, or sad, she was always pacing about, waving her arms, but now? Now, she was still, and pale. Scarily so. Magnus would never forget the next thing he saw. Even after 400 years the memory of his once lively, beautiful mother, pale, unmoving, and cold, so, so cold, with blood all around her a deep scarlet, the iron scent of blood filling what felt like, a kerias sticking out of her chest would stay with him. And even little, scared Magnus, knew that this would be something he’d never, never forget. And he’d never forget what happened next.

 

His father had walked into the bedroom, and immediately saw what happened. An evil monster had killed his wife. The monster that Magus had become, he was a monster. So, he grabbed the boy's small body and ran to the river, hate seeping out of every pore. He shoved Magnus into the water, holding him under, letting the cold and dark consume him. Magnus couldn’t breathe, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to, because he knew his mama was gone forever, and he knew he absolutely caused it. He wanted to die. His magic, the monster inside of him, though? It wanted to live, it had the urge to go on, to see more, do more. A wave of fire, raged through his body and he cast it into his father's white shirt, observing silently as the flames consumed him. As the orange flames danced around his body, a horrific ballet, to the music of the agonized screams of the man he called his father. Magnus felt empty.

 

Some time later Magnus stumbled as fast as he could into the nearby woods, hair wet and getting in his eyes, clothing drenched, still struggling to breathe, hearing angry, dangerous voices close behind him. Oh god. The events of the night hit him like a ton of bricks slamming into his chest. What had he done? He didn’t mean to kill his stepfather but he was so, so scared and he couldn’t breathe and he freaked out. The voices grew closer and Magnus’ instincts kicked out and another wave of magic rolled from his body. If Magus had stopped to look, he would have seen the villagers were caught in a harmless freezing charm, which wore off after 30 minutes or so. However, Magnus just assumed he’d killed them all and kept running and running. The wind cut into him like millions of daggers, his shining feline golden eyes simply couldn’t stop his pain and hurt from falling from his eyes. The young warlock kept rethinking the day. What had he done wrong? Why did his Mama stab herself? He didn’t mean to! He didn't want her too! As the horrific events replayed again and again in his mind, it was all his fault, all his fault. But the magic inside him decided it wanted to survive, and he was his magic, and he was stubborn. So he ran. And kept running until he could breathe without pain again. 

 

In fact, he kept running for years. Never staying in one place longer than a lonely and terrified  night, avoiding eye contact, keeping his face hidden in shadows, just on the infinitesimal chance that someone from the village was still looking for him. Magnus was 12, or at least he thought he was, it was hard to keep track of time, the first time he met another warlock. Sadly, the kind warlocks name had been lost to memory, but Magnus could still picture her striking green skin, how kind she was, how she helped him discover the monster inside of him was not a monster, but in fact a great part of him that he could use to save the world. He remembered how she died, in a fight against shadowhunters who wanted their warlock marks as trophies. He remembered when he saw the blade go through her chest and remembered the fact that he hadn’t killed the evil shadowhunters, only knocked them out, because she always said “Killing is the only thing you will ever regret.” He remembered the light fading from her kind, but pained ivy colored eyes. He remembered her last words telling him to “Stay alive, so you can see the day that we are free” but for the  _ life  _ of him, he couldn’t remember her name. He couldn’t really recall what his father and mother looked like, and when he got a fleeting image, he knew it was corrupted by memory. He knew that his memory was  _ very  _ unreliable. He knew he was forgetting so many important things. So many important people.

 

And he feared the same thing would happen to Alexander. 

The memory of Alec would never vanish, no, the love he would always remember. 

But there was so much about his love that he he wouldn't. 

As much as he could write, record, capture, nothing was invincible.

He could cast spells, and invest in everything-proof safes, but it is always going to be possible for something, someone that could break the spells, make the safe disappear, make the memory vanish. 

There was nothing to do but hope that in thousands of years, he would still remember this amazing shadowhunter, that he wouldn’t forget the sound of his laugh, like a bell ringing for the whole world to hear, his beautiful smile filling the room like the light from the sun. He hoped to remember the way his brown eyes lit up with whatever he was feeling, good, or bad, how he could let down his glamor around him and Alec would still act like Magnus was perfect, how he hugged Magnus like he was the most amazing thing in the world, how the small, loving touches that graced his skin would feel so perfect and extraordinary and he would smile and feel as if a supernova of love had just exploded inside his heart. He wanted to remember the soft, loving, doting kisses and he wanted to remember the passionate, steamy kisses, filled with force and want and love. He wanted to remember the feeling of their bodies colliding. He wanted to remember every perfect detail of Alec’s face. He hoped that he would remember the look on Alec’s face the first time he picked up Max, like it was the moment his whole life had led up to, and he wanted to remember that he was so happy and terrified at the same time when he realized that Max was his son. He wanted to remember how the  _ second  _ he saw Rafael, he shared a look with Alec and they knew the scared little boy was part of their family. He wanted to remember every second of Alec, the love, the fights, the heartbreak, the healing, the jokes, the dancing, the looks, everything.    
  


He wanted to remember.    
But he might not. 

And that  _ terrified  _ Magnus Bane. 

  
However, the warlock simply slipped in between the soft golden sheets on his bed, kissed Alec on the head, and fell asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty right?!
> 
> There will be more to come  
> And i will update my other fic soon, promise!!


End file.
